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Thread: Between the smoke and the trees *don´t delete*

  1. #11
    HB Forum Owner Branflakes's Avatar
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    You tease. wink

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    The ninja lesbian milk getter. aka dorkflakes.
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  2. #12
    Inactive Member usmu's Avatar
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    part 1: Between the smoke and the trees
    Recommended track: Eels - Coming to your funeral part II

    Ever since I came to this live in this town for the first time the bridge over the canal has been special to me. It?s not much when you look at it. Short, two lanes, bikelane at each side, sidewalk at each side, railing. It's actually not even a proper bridge. It just goes up, levels out, but doesn't go down. The road just keeps going. Or it's the reverse, whichever way you fancy. But I'd be speeding down into town each morning and slowly creeping home that evening. Specially after a night on the town. You soon start giving it the respect it deserves.

    But what the bridge lacks in view it certainly makes up for in the view. I've spent many a night watching it. The two pipes from the even yellow-lighted factory on the city side continuesly emitting smoke. The side where the canal broadens, just to be swept up. The other side is woods. The canal cuts through them like a knife through butter only to take a turn and disappear out of sight to God knows where. And maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.

    You can see forever up there on a clear night. I just go for Orion, because I know where he stands in the sky. But I bet you could see forever if you wanted to,


    [This message has been edited by usmu (edited January 02, 2002).]

  3. #13
    Inactive Member Ski's Avatar
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    More I say MOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEE!!!

    J/K take your time usmu smile

    ------------------
    Miral's Slave
    tyledras's Sidekick

    "If you believe in the Hereafter,Then you must know what I'm here after"

  4. #14
    Senior Hostboard Member La Luna Unita's Avatar
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    Talking

    YEAH!! Lovin' it so far!

    Especially the part about just looking for Orion instead of forever.

    [This message has been edited by La Luna Unita (edited January 09, 2002).]

  5. #15
    HB Forum Owner Branflakes's Avatar
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    Like the comment about Orion a lot, too.

    ------------------
    The ninja lesbian milk getter. aka dorkflakes.
    Take the time to feel the wind.
    I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
    Help Hostboard by using that search engine.
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  6. #16
    Inactive Member usmu's Avatar
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    Smile

    Thanks for the nice comments, I?ll put up the next part as soon as I get it typed out. Which means I have to beat being exhausted from work and watch the Embassy darts tournament. smile

    ------------------
    The hammer of Thor quotes:

    I don't want to waste my time,
    And become another casualty of society.
    I'll never fall in line,
    Become another victim of your conformity,

    Sum 41 - Fat lip

  7. #17
    Inactive Member usmu's Avatar
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    Part 3 I'll fly with you
    Recommended track: Gigi D'Agostino - L'amour toujours (L'amour toujours mix)

    She was sitting on the railing, her back towards the woods, steel nosed boots behind the middle bar to keep her from falling backwards. Fumbling for my packet of cigarettes I cros-sed the road.

    Managing to get two out of the crumbled packet I lit them and passed one to her. Thinking of what to say I inhaled deeply. As I looked up to her she leaned over and softly kissed me on the lips. I know, she said, I know. Come sit with me.

    And so we sat next to eachother, watching clouds of industrial smoke slowly climb into the sky, adding some of our own. Watching Orion come from behind the occasional cloud, looking for forever. Sometimes silence says enough.

    I put the empty packet back into the pocket of my coat and lit the last two cigarettes. The darkness of the night was slowly fading away into what undoubtedly would be another fine day.

    As I flicked my cigarette onto the road she unhooked her boots and took my hand. Looking into her light blue eyes I returned her smile and with the first rays of sunlight on our faces we let ourselves fall backwards of the bridge into eternity. Smiling all the way.


    Part 4 On the road home
    Recommended track: The Beatles - Blackbird

    As I boarded the train it became final. Although I'd been down there a couple of times to move my stuff and get the apartment in order, this was it. Several years after leaving the city to move back to my place of birth I'd be going home. Going home and getting my life back. Three hours and coun-ting.

    I put the cup of coffee I'd bought at the station, my cigarettes and the book I brought on the small table under the window, tossed my bag and coat on the luggage rack and settled down in an empty smoking compartment.

    As the train started moving out of the station, the compart-ment door opened. She took the window seat on the opposite side of the aisle. She glanced in my direction and started drawing in the black hardcover book she had taken out of her bag. I turned the page and continued reading, taking the occasional sip from my coffee.

    Sometimes you have a feeling like somebody is watching you. More often than not you're wrong ofcourse, but this time I was at least half right. She was looking in my direction and for a couple of seconds it looked like we were having eye contact. For a couple of seconds it seemed I was looking into two beautiful light blue eyes that sparked. She started drawing again and I tried to focus on my book, but failed.

    Going through the motions of reading I occasionally glanced in her direction to see what she was doing. Which wasn't anything else but drawing. The next station was her stop and confused I watched her walk the exit of the train. Two hours and fifteen minutes and several more stops to go, and I definitely could forget about reading.

    The closer the train came to its and my destination, the more the confusion changed to nervous anticipation. The more fami-liar the passing landscape became, the more I seemed to smoke. By the time the speaker announced we were almost there I was about to start chain-smoking. I ditched the half-full cup of now cold coffee in the waste container, put the rest of my stuff in the bag and headed to the exit. Home sweet home, here I come.

    [This message has been edited by usmu (edited February 04, 2002).]

  8. #18
    Inactive Member usmu's Avatar
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    shameless selfpromotion to keep it from falling of the first page

    and an update: rewriting the next part so look forward to it this week smile

    ------------------
    The hammer of Thor quotes:

    Yeah I'm pretty happy
    Living in my own sweet time
    I'm pretty happy
    And I don't need your virus of the mind

    Heather Nova -Virus of the mind

  9. #19
    HB Forum Owner Branflakes's Avatar
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    Good going. Some really nice tone setting stuff ("Watching Orion come from behind the occasional cloud, looking for forever. Sometimes silence says enough.").

    You know, I'm just waiting for something to happen. I'm thinking when he arrives home, the pace will pick up. biggrin

    You've got great English. The only real thing I noticed is that all the words that have hyphens in them don't need them ("compart-ment" should be "compartment").

    I'm looking forward to more.

    ------------------
    The ninja lesbian milk getter. aka dorkflakes.
    Take the time to feel the wind.
    I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
    "I'm not crazy, I'm just reality challenged" -tyledras
    Help Hostboard by using that search engine.
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  10. #20
    Senior Hostboard Member La Luna Unita's Avatar
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    Did we ever get more? Did I miss the ending? If I did, please post it again, usmu! I really loved this story.

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